


Back To You

by Black_Cat_Autumn



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 15x18 episode, Angst, Castiel Loves Dean Winchester, Castiel comes back, Castiel is So Done (Supernatural), Castiel needs a break, Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss, Dean Winchester Can't Cope, Dean Winchester Loves Castiel, Dean Winchester Needs a Hug, Dean Winchester Whump, Fix It, Grief/Mourning, How I want the show to end, Hurt Dean Winchester, I’m not crying you’re crying, M/M, Ouch, REQUITED LOVE!!!, Spoilers, actually beta read, neither can I, praying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:40:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27438997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Black_Cat_Autumn/pseuds/Black_Cat_Autumn
Summary: As bad as everyone thinks Dean has it, Cas has it a thousand times worse.Even trapped in the Empty, Castiel could hear Dean. Every prayer, every plea, everything that the hunter uttered, he could hear. He could hear Dean breaking, becoming a shell of the hunter he used to be.The angel could do nothing but listen as the man he loved fell apart.And eventually, Castiel couldn’t handle it anymore.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 18
Kudos: 310





	Back To You

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, ya’ll! 
> 
> I remembered reading wonderful stories over the past year about the concept of Dean sending Cas prayers. I thought, what if he still could? 
> 
> I hope that this makes your morning/evening better. :)

At first it was quiet. Castiel couldn’t feel, couldn’t see, couldn’t hear. 

And eerily, it was peaceful. 

Castiel for the first time in all his millennia achieved a sense of contentment. He did all he could hope for. 

He saved Dean Winchester. 

The last thing he wanted to do was to tell his best friend that he loved him. To tell him that he was he the best thing that had ever happened to him. 

In the Empty, Castiel didn’t have to worry about monsters, or hunting, or Dean’s safety anymore. 

And Dean would move on, meet someone else to settle down with. Maybe he would retire from the family business, have kids, grow old. Dean Winchester would get what he always wanted. 

And so Cas accepted his death. He was at peace.

———

The peace didn’t last long. 

Cas began to hear something. It was some kind of sound—a vibration, low and muffled. It slowly grew from humming to a whisper. 

The peace was disturbed.

Eventually, he could make out words from the mumbles. It was like listening to someone on a phone with bad connection. It sounded far away, breaking up at random points. 

A familiar voice rung in the angel’s ears. It was weak, each word softer than the last.

“Cas... I—uh—don’t know if you can hear me...”

It was Dean.

“God, I hope you can hear me—

Dean choked back a sob, voice trembling. “I didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye—I didn’t get to tell you how much you mean to me. Now you’re gone, and I can’t tell you...”

It was quiet for a while after that. 

Cas couldn’t return to the contentment he had previously been at home in. The silence was off... wrong. Everything was too dark, too quiet. The Empty instantly became a prison, and he was trapped.

Castiel waited for the voice to come back. He held on to the hope that Dean would try talking to him again. 

For what felt like an eternity, he waited. 

———

The next time Castiel heard it, Dean was talking to someone else. 

“Look, man, just get me another drink... no, I’m not wasted. Just get me the damn drink!”

Dean sounded angry—well, ‘angry’ would be an understatement—he was furious. 

But why would he be so upset about a drink? It was a bit dramatic, even for Dean. 

That’s when Castiel realized that Dean was mourning for him. He was lost. 

And even stranger, Dean wasn't even aware that he was praying to Cas. 

Once in a while when Castiel was alive, Dean would unintentionally pray to him. This only happened when he needed something so much that he would unknowingly pray for it... and in specific, pray to Cas. 

That’s why the angel was so good at comforting the hunter before he died. He always knew when Dean needed him most. 

But... why was Dean praying to him now, in some random bar?

———

Cas was worried. Ever since the incident at the bar, Dean had been constantly praying to him. It seemed that even in his sleep, the hunter was trying to get a hold of the angel. He could hear everything Dean said. Whether it was a particularly loud sigh or a scream, Cas heard it.

So he spoke, tried to tell Dean that he was there. He spent days trying console him. 

But Dean couldn’t hear him.

———

He was getting worse. 

The hunter talked to people less and less. He didn’t even hum Metallica to himself anymore. The only thing Cas usually heard at this point was the occasional exhale.

Whenever he did talk, Dean would only respond to questions. Each reply would be cut throat and accusatory. 

But nothing was worse than the crying. 

It seemed that more and more often, Dean would break down. Each panicked breath and muffled whimper haunted the angel. He never felt so helpless as when he listened to the hunter breaking. Dean needed him and Cas couldn’t do anything to help. He couldn’t make this better...

Not this time.

It was not long before Dean started talking to his angel. 

Out of the blue, Dean spoke. He said more than the angel had heard him utter to anyone since before he died. 

His voice was weak, laced with exhaustion and sorrow. “Cas... do you remember the first time we met? You know, in that decaying barn?” 

He chuckled. “I realized the other day that I never thanked you for that—saving me, I mean. I never thanked you for anything, really. If you are listening somehow, I wanted to let you know that I miss you. Things aren’t the same here without you around, man. I just... really hope that you can hear me.”

Just as quickly as the prayer started, silence took over. 

———

Almost every day after that, Dean would pray to Castiel. Most of the time he would tell the angel about his day. A new case he was working on, Sam and Eileen getting together and going on dates, anything that came into mind. Almost every day he would reminisce about the times Cas was alive. About them watching movies in the bunker, the silly arguments they got into. He apologized a lot too.

The only thing at this point keeping the angel sane was the sound of Dean’s voice. The near-silence in between prayers drove him crazy. The more time that passed, the more restless he became. 

He wanted to talk to him. 

He needed to go back to Dean. 

——-

“Cas... look. I can’t do this anymore. I want to believe that you’ll come back... that somehow you’re able to hear me. But what if I’m just fooling myself? What if I-I’m going crazy?”

There was silence for a while before Dean spoke again. “Look... I try to pretend I’m fine when I talk to you... try stay strong for everyone the way you would want me to—But I can’t do it. Not when I know that you’re gone.”

Cas’ stomach churned. He tried to cry out, tried to tell Dean that he was listening. Just like the thousands of other times, Dean didn’t react. He could do nothing but listen.

“I love you, okay?!? I loved you and you fuckin’ left me! How can I just keep living like this? Am I just supposed to—what—move on??? Hell no!”

“I—why did you do it? Why, out of all people in the world you could love—why me?”

silence. 

A watery chuckle. “I miss you, Cas, I miss you so much. I can’t do this without you... I need you.”

The silence that followed that prayer destroyed Castiel. 

———

The last prayer that Castiel got was from an unexpected person. 

“Cas, I—it’s me—Sam.”

That was a new one. The angel didn’t know if he was more relieved or concerned to hear from another person. 

“I know I shouldn’t be asking something of you, especially since you’re gone. But I don’t know what to do anymore... there’s something very wrong with Dean.”

Cas felt his entire being freeze up. 

“He’s not doing very well. Dean doesn’t come home anymore. He said that he couldn’t stand it here...”

He cut himself off with a sigh.“At first, it seemed like he was just grieving. I thought that he was getting better. Then he started drinking... trying to cope with the fact that you’re dead. He kept telling me that you would come back and save him, like all the times you had done before. But at least he had hope, right? But recently he just—he doesn’t care about anything. I haven’t seen him in a month now.”

Sam cleared his throat. “Sorry—I just—I can’t help him. Honestly, I think he’s beyond help... I’m scared that the only person who can really help him is you.”

That was it. 

Sam’s prayer was the boiling point. 

For what felt like centuries, Cas was forced to listen as the man he died for faded away. 

And eventually, it was obvious. Dean would simply not move on. He would just get worse, become more reckless. 

And eventually, he would get himself killed.

Cas wouldn’t let that happen.

———

Castiel gasped, eyes shooting open. 

He was awake. 

He grumbled, pulling himself off the floor. 

The Empty was just as lonely as the last time he’d been there. It was endless, cold...

Nothing. 

Castiel screamed into the darkness. “I’m awake, you assbutt!!!”

Almost immediatley he gets a response. The voice, like the last time he heard it, was accompanied by an inhuman accent. “Well obviously you are, you idiot.”

The angel whipped around to face the Empty... or, well, himself. The being took the form of the angel, trench coat and all.

The Empty was scowling at him, eyes glinting. “Why are you awake THIS time?!?”

Castiel marched up to the cosmic being, stopping when their chests touched. “Send. Me. Back.”

“Hmmmmm... no. Sorry, can’t do that. Not this time”

Castiel crossed his arms. “Yes, you can. If you don’t, I promise that I will make your life hell. I will be awake in here forever and so will you. Both of us will be trapped here...”

The Empty grimaced. “Why??? You were at peace before... you were happy! Why would you wake up AGAIN?!?”

Castiel just stared at the Empty. 

It’s dead eyes lit up in realization. “Oh, I get it now! This is for that man... for Dean.”

Silence. 

The Empty pinched the bridge of it’s nose, obviously unhappy with being awake. “That’s why you keep waking up. You simply won’t give him up. I hate love.”

“Are you going to send me back???”

“No.”

“You will.”

———

Castiel didn’t know how much time passed. 

At first the Empty would just stand there, wait for the angel to sleep. Shortly after, the being started complaining. It asked how one insignificant man mattered so much. Castiel didn’t give it the satisfaction of replying. 

Then they fought. A lot. 

A punch here, a roundhouse kick there. 

It was obvious that the Empty was losing. 

And eventually, it gave in. 

“FINE!!! Damn you and your prideful stupidity! I can’t do this anymore...”

The angel tilted his head to the side. “Then let me go.”

“But first, I gotta ask; what makes Dean so... special?”

Castiel looked down at the Empty. 

For the first time, he pitied the thing. It was confused, cold, knew nothing. It was trapped in itself. 

“He changed me.”

The Empty rolled it’s eyes. “I hate you. You have no place here... I’ll make one last deal. I kick your sorry self out of here, and you never come back.”

“Where will I go when I die?”

“Don’t know, don’t care. Maybe Heaven? Hell? Knowing you, nowhere will accept you. I guess your trapped with Dean forever.”

Next thing Castiel knew, he was on Earth, lying in a parking lot. 

Immediatley he races to a car, breaking a window and opening the door. He hot-wired it, driving to the closest gas station. After some questioning, he discovers that he was in Maine, hours away from the bunker. The Empty, not to his surprise, made things as difficult for him as it could. 

So he drove, only stopping to refill the car. At one point, one of the tires blew out when hitting a nail. He settled on hot-wiring the closest car he could lay his hands on. 

He couldn’t stop thinking about Dean. How long has it been since they’ve seen each other? Six months? Six years? 

After about a day of nonstop driving, Castiel was standing in front of the bunker door. He didn’t bother knocking or hesitating, bursting through it. 

He shouted, heartbeat rapid in his chest. “Dean??? Sam???”

No response. 

Castiel rushed down the stairs, racing to Dean’s room. 

His breath hitched. 

There was nothing that he could recognize as Dean’s. There was a bed, neatly made. The desk was still there, the bookshelf, boring brick walls.

Nothing else. 

Panic settled in the angel. His stomach churned as he raced across to Sam’s room. 

Relief washed over him when seeing a flannel lying on the bed. 

As if on cue, Castiel has a gun to his head. A familiar voice rings in his ears. “You’re not Cas. Turn around now, or I shoot!”

Cas whipped around, eyes wide. “Sam?”

The hunter’s jaw was clenched. “Who the hell are you?”

“Castiel—

“Bullshit!”

The angel winced. “I heard your prayer....”

Sam froze. “What the hell are you—

“In the Empty... I could hear things. I could hear you praying to me.”

Sam reacted by cocking his gun, eyes welling up. “Then tell me what I said. Prove to me that you’re Castiel.”

“You told me that Dean needed my help. That I was the only one who could save him...”

Next thing he knows, he’s being suffocated in a hug. Sam crushed the breath out of Castiel, voice loud in his ear. “I can’t believe you’re not dead—

Sam frowned, taking a step back. “Wait... how are you alive?”

Castiel shook his head. “I will tell you about it later, but I have a more important matter to attend. Where’s Dean?”

Sam ran a hand down his face, mouth twisted into a scowl. “Portland, Oregon.”

“Why is he there?”

Sam sighed. “Dean couldn’t live here anymore... He moved out months ago, and I haven’t seen him since. He calls sometimes, but not for long.”

Sam’s gaze fell to the floor. “He never got over what happened... he loves you.” He pulled out his phone and scrolling through his contacts. He then presses the device to his ear. After a few moments, Sam speaks. 

“Dean.... I know you’re busy, but this is really important. It’s Cas, he—

Sam grimaced. “Hello? Dean???”

“What happened?”

“He hung up. Dean hasn’t talked about you in a long time... whenever I try to bring you up, he hangs up.”

The angel’s entire body trembled. “How long have I been gone?”

“A year and a few months. It’s January tenth.”

The angel didn’t bother waiting, slipping passed Sam. 

He had lost too much time already. He would be damned if he wasted another second. “Take me to Dean.”

———

Castiel frowned at the cabin. It was secluded, surrounded in a dense forest of tall trees. It all seemed still, sad. The Impala was parked by the cabin’s entrance, coated in a layer of dirt and dust. 

It felt wrong seeing the old car so unattended for. Baby was Dean’s prized possession, the one thing he took care of no matter what. 

He immediatley jumps out of the truck, Sam following close behind. Castiel practically flew up the front steps to the cabin. 

He knocked on the door. 

After about a minute, he knocks again. Dean was home, he had to be. Then he hears footfalls from the other side of the door. It swings open. “What the hell do—

Dean froze. 

Castiel looked at the hunter he had fallen for; the man he had been hell and back for. 

Dean still looked the same, aside from his bloodshot eyes and chapped lips. His hair was still a dirty blonde, eyes still a vibrant green. His cheeks and nose were still dusted by a layer of freckles. It was like Cas was never gone. 

He stared wide eyed at the angel, completely still. He then took a step back, hands shaking. “I—I don’t...”

Cas took a step forward. “Dean, I heard your prayers.”

Dean stood there, eyes locked with blue. 

The angel’s voice sounded foreign in his own ears. “You wanted me to come back to you... you said that you needed me, so I’m here.”

The hunter was silent for a long time, breath caught in the back of his throat. “Prove to me that you’re Cas... What were the last words you said to me?”

“‘I love you. Goodbye, Dean.’”

Suddenly Dean’s lips are crashed into his own. His eyes widen in surprise before he shuts them completely, locking lips with the man he loves. 

The kiss was slow and passionate. It was everything Castiel could have wanted. 

Dean didn’t stop, grabbing the angel’s hand and pulling inside. The hunter then breaks contact, wrapping his arms around Castiel. They stayed like that, clinging each other. 

Eventually, Castiel spoke. “Are you okay?”

“I will be.”

He let go, hand drifting down to hold his angel’s. “I love you... I never got to say it back. God, Cas, I love you so much.”

———

Things never returned to the way they was before, but Cas didn’t want them to. 

He moved in with Dean the same day he saw him. The hunter asked him to stay for dinner, and he couldn’t refuse. 

And the next day, Dean asked him to stay the week. 

This question repeated for a year, up until Dean got on one knee and asked if Cas could stay indefinitely... he asked his angel to marry him. 

So they got married. 

Dean would still wake up trembling from nightmares of when Castiel died, from nightmares where he lost everything, but he had his angel to hold him when he woke up. 

Castiel came back to him.

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked this, I have a few other Supernatural stories you can check out. One of them is from Dean’s perspective of 15x18. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the story!


End file.
